DemDaily: The Week in Jokes!
December 2, 2016
Because we need to still laugh. There is no shortage of material!
The Obamas just had the White House decorated for their final Christmas before they leave. They want to make it look nice for Santa, since he's not coming back for at least four years. - Jimmy Fallon
It's been reported that President-elect Trump has chosen four-star Gen. James Mattis for secretary of defense. When Trump was told the general had four stars, he said, "Wow, that's a great Yelp review."
- Conan O'Brien
"A new report finds that protecting Donald Trump and his family is costing New York City taxpayers over a $1 million a day. Then Trump was like, 'Thank God I'm not a taxpayer!'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Today is cyber Monday, which means tomorrow is 'Russia has your credit card info Tuesday.'" -Jimmy Fallon
Breitbart News received a lot of criticism for running questionable news stories during the election. So basically Breitbart counts as real news in the same way that Apple Jacks counts as real fruit.
- James Gordon
Kellogg's pulled their ads because they say Breitbart promotes discrimination. It really isn't a surprise that Kellogg's would be sensitive about this. The mascots of one of their best-selling cereals are three male elves that all live together. - James Gordon
"Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted that millions of people voted illegally on Election Day. Then someone told Trump it's not illegal for women to vote." - Conan O'Brien
Yesterday Donald Trump sat down to dinner with Mitt Romney at Jean-Georges French restaurant in the Trump International Hotel, because nothing says "man of the people" like eating an $800 dinner in a tower you named after yourself. - James Gordon
If you are wondering what was on the dinner menu, Romney started by eating his words. Then for the main course he swallowed his pride, dignity, and self-esteem. - James Gordon
This week, Sarah Palin said that God helped Donald Trump win the presidential election. When he heard this, a furious Satan said, "Don't I get credit for anything?" - Conan O'Brien
Have a good weekend!
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