DemDaily: A Little Political Humor. Our Monthly Roundup!
February 27, 2026
To remind us to laugh.
On Trump’s SOTU
“Gibberace went for an hour and 47 minutes last night. It was the longest speech in State of the Union history. Also the dumbest, he beat his own record there, too.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“Trump’s speech focused on his major accomplishments and when those eight seconds were up, he just riffed for an hour and a half.” - Jimmy Fallon
“Yep, Trump actually broke two records: longest State of the Union and most time in the same room as Melania.” - Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump gave the longest State of the Union address in history, just beating out Harry Truman’s performance of ‘The Vagina Monologues.’” - Desi Lydic
Jimmy Fallon said he wasn’t “shocked Trump spoke that long, I’m shocked he stood that long ... But it actually was a nice change. This time, Trump spoke and everyone else fell asleep.”
“The speech went on for so long that Marco Rubio had a growth spurt.”- Jimmy Fallon
“It was quite a night. There were about 400 people in attendance -- 300 were members of Congress, and 100 were Elon’s kids.” - Jimmy Fallon
“Now the speech wasn’t just two hours of Donald Trump traumatizing America. One reason that the speech went so long was because Republicans kept interrupting with applause breaks, which Trump would just bask in, rotating back and forth like he was stuck on oscillating fan mode.” - Desi Lydic
“He broke his own record for being long-winded. He has once again publicly broken wind.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“The fact that he’s 79 years old and spoke uninterrupted for almost two hours is the only proof I’ll ever need that he wears a diaper.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“What a speech it wasn’t, huh? I can’t believe America missed an all-new ‘Will Trent’ for this one.” - Jimmy Kimmel
After the first hour, “we said, he’s probably still going, right? Which was a problem, because Mike Johnson’s bedtime is 9 o’clock sharp.” - Jimmy Kimmel
Kimmel called the president’s speech “angry,” and summed up its theme as “all foreigners are murderers.”
“He said zero illegal aliens have been allowed into the United States on his watch, but the door is always open to those who come in legally to be his next wife.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“He bragged about ending D.E.I., he bragged about kicking two million people off food stamps. It was like a Christmas message from the Grinch.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“The speech went on so long, Kristi Noem’s dog shot itself.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“Trump applauded the efforts of a World War II vet who liberated an internment camp, at the same time he is building new ones here in the United States. He claimed gas is down to $1.85 a gallon. When you ramble mostly incoherently for two hours is that technically still a speech or does it at some point become a conniption fit?” - Jimmy Kimmel
“They do need to hire an orchestra to play him off like the Oscars. At the stroke of 90 minutes, go straight into ‘YMCA’ and end it.” - Jimmy Kimmel
On "Crash" Patel
“There is nothing that can take away from the joyous moment as all Americans celebrate this incredible -- wait, what the [expletive]? Is that FBI director Kash Patel? Why is our FBI director -- and why are they putting a medal around the neck of FBI director Kash? Is Kash Patel a Make-a-Wish … man? Kid? Is that what this is?” - Jon Stewart on US men’s hockey team winning gold
“That’s always who you want to party with first when you win a championship, the director of the FBI. I remember when the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and the first person that got a Champagne shower was Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.” - Seth Meyers
“Why he was there -- why he needed to be in Italy at all, nobody knows. All we know is that we paid for it.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“Patel defended his little field trip weakly. He says he was at the Olympics to ‘protect U.S. athletes.’ Yes, by tasting their beer to make sure it isn’t poisoned.” - Jimmy Kimmel
On Pam’s Bad Behavior
On Attorney General Pam Bondi’s appearance in front of the House Judiciary Committee, Jordan Klepper said, “if downplaying international sex rings were an Olympic sport, Bondi would take home the gold.”
Klepper likened Bondi to the “woman who stresses everyone out at book club, but it’s not worth uninviting her because then it will become a whole thing,” on her combative responses to questions about Trump and the Epstein files.
“To be fair, though, you’d be in a bad mood, too, if you’d spent the last month redacting images of old man genitals from the Epstein files. Allegedly.” - Jordan Klepper
“He’s so transparent, you had to black out his name like a thousand times.” - Jimmy Kimmel on Bondi’s calling Trump “the most transparent president in the nation’s history.”
“And this hearing has been on the books for weeks, but the stakes were especially high for Pam because there are reports that Trump was complaining about her for not doing enough to punish his enemies -- or administer his enemas."- Jimmy Kimmel
On the “Trump Files”
Congressman Jamie Raskin (D-MD) said that President Trump’s name appears within the Epstein Files “more than a million times.”
“A million times? There’s not even that many references to Hamlet in the play ‘Hamlet,’” - Jordan Klepper
“That’s more than Harry Potter gets mentioned in all seven Harry Potter books.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“Now maybe Raskin is just being hyperbolic, but if this is true, wouldn’t it just be easier to call this the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein? It’s easier. Rolls off the tongue.” - Jordan Klepper
Just think about the effort it took Trump’s Justice Department to redact his name that many times. It’s like trying to remove the pee from the water park. At this point, you just need to accept that it’s in there and try not to think about it.” - Jordan Klepper
On British Justice
“Thanks to all of the Epstein allegations, Prince Andrew has finally been arrested. Officers were told not to handcuff him because that would just make him horny.” - Greg Gutfeld
“Finally, someone, anyone! Let’s hear it! Let’s hear it for British justice, which is better -- which is better than American justice, because it comes with frilly wigs.” - Stephen Colbert
“Technically, this arrest isn’t about any charges of pedophilia. U.K. authorities busted Andrew for misconduct in public office, which is defined as ‘serious willful abuse or neglect of the power or responsibilities of the public office held,’ which is not only not illegal in the United States, it was Trump’s campaign slogan.” - Stephen Colbert
On Father of the Year
“But Donald Trump isn’t the only member of the administration in the hot seat. So is Howard Lutnick, commerce secretary and dad of a family staying at The White Lotus.” - Jordan Klepper
“Father of the year over here. So just to be clear, Howard Lutnick went from ‘I never saw that gross man again’ to ‘OK, I did visit his island’ to ‘Hey, back off, I left with all my kids, OK? I counted them. I’m the good guy here!'” - Jordan Klepper
“Howard! ‘I went to Epstein Island but don’t worry, I brought my kids,’ isn’t the excuse you think it is.” - Jordan Klepper
“What a fun dad. ‘Where do you want to go, kids? You want to have lunch with the most notorious pedophile in American history?’” - Jimmy Kimmel
On Polls and Percentages
“It is so important for Donald Trump that he celebrate Black History Month, not only because it’s what presidents traditionally do, but according to a new Economist ‘YouGov, Me Tarzan’ poll, 47% of Americans say that Donald Trump is racist. OK, not a great sign that it seems reasonable to include that question in the poll. It’s like if a wedding invitation said, ‘Chicken, fish, or do you think Donald Trump is a racist?’” - Stephen Colbert
“And that’s not the only word the poll found people associated with Trump. Forty-nine percent say he’s corrupt, 46% say he’s cruel and 50% say he’s dangerous. Unfortunately, the other 50% say ladies love a bad boy.” - Stephen Colbert
“Trump is at rock bottom with a majority of Americans in surveys from Marist, Quinnipiac and AP-NORC. Not to mention, he’s got one star on Yelp, 0 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and a frowny face outside the men’s bathroom at LaGuardia.” - Stephen Colbert
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