DemDaily: A Little Political Humor! Our Monthly Roundup

October 27, 2023

To remind us to laugh.

On the election of Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House -- a MAGA Republican who led Trump's legal battle to try to overturn the results of the 2020 presidential election.

“Our long national nightmare is finally different.” - Stephen Colbert

“Johnson was just elected, getting votes from all 220 Republicans. Finally, a man who appeals to all factions of the Republican Party: the MAGA faithful, the social conservatives, the white nationalists, and the horny Beetlejuice goblins.” - Stephen Colbert

“That’s right, Republicans said Mike Johnson is their first choice, after the first 10 choices lost.” - Jimmy Fallon

The House “swiped way right” on Johnson - Jimmy Kimmel

“The new speaker of the house is Mike Johnson, and if that name sounds familiar, it’s ’cause it’s on every fake ID.” - Jimmy Fallon

“It’s like being at a restaurant and hearing, ‘Do you have Coke?’ ‘No.’ ‘Pepsi?’ ‘No.’ ‘Sprite?’ ‘No.’ ‘Fine, I guess I’ll have the Mike Johnson.’” - Jimmy Fallon

“Wow, the speaker race was so embarrassing, they’re not even giving their real names any more. Mike Johnson is the name you give when you check into a motel with your mistress.” - Seth Meyers

“You could go to the middle of the phone book and pick any of the hundreds of Mike Johnsons -- each one would be a better choice for speaker, because not one of them tried to overthrow the presidential election in the House he now represents.”  - Jimmy Kimmel

“The House of Representatives voted to elect Louisiana Congressman Mike Johnson speaker of the House. And apparently, this election result he will accept.”  - Seth Meyers

“What we do know is that he wants nationwide limits on abortion, he wants to criminalize gay sex, and he even wants to ban reggaeton. All right, I’m lying on the last one, but that seems like his vibe.” - Desus Nice, guest host of “The Daily Show”

“Let’s just say if speaker nominees were Halloween candy, this guy’s a Necco Wafer.” - Jimmy Fallon

On the Speaker Election!
“Everyone said the Republicans were too divided to elect a Speaker and, it turns out, everyone was right…Right now the Congress is basically Mitch McConnell: totally frozen, and no one knows how to fix it.” - Michael Kosta, guest host of “The Daily Show”

“The House of Representatives is ungaveling before our eyes…In the history of our country, there has never been a situation like this. And there’s nothing in the Constitution that covers it, because the founding fathers, as forward-thinking as they were, never imagined such a large group of elected officials being so unbelievably dumb.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“Nine House Republicans have announced plans to run for speaker. But if you wanted to see nine people who have no chance of winning, just go to a Mets game.” - Seth Meyers

“Altoids last longer than these Republican nominees.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“Martin Scorsese’s out here making movies that last longer than speaker candidates.” - Desus Nice

“There are now eight candidates for speaker -- seven white men and one Black man, or as Republicans call it, a very diverse slate of choices.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“It looks like someone put a bottle of Hershey’s syrup in the mayonnaise aisle.” - Desus Nice

“Yo, all these white dudes look the same. In fact, three of them are the same guy, and you didn’t even notice.” - Desus Nice

“After failing to get elected speaker of the House twice this week, congressman Jim Jordan said that he’s not dropping out and will keep running. When Jordan said that he was running a third time, even Nike was like, ‘Just don’t.’” - Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, Jordan wants to be Speaker of the House so that he doesn’t have to go back to his old job of being the villain in ‘Scooby-Doo.’” - Jimmy Fallon

“But he’s not giving up. He’s going to keep on going until he loses unanimously.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“That’s like retaking the S.A.T. and finding out you got dumber somehow.” - Jimmy Fallon

“Insiders are saying that one of Jordan’s biggest hurdles is that no one likes him.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“They haven’t had a speaker for two weeks; there’s no end in sight. Maybe it’s time we take away their right to choose.” - Jimmy Kimmel

Have a good weekend!

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