Posted October 18, 2024 | by KimS | in 2024 Presidential Election, Debates, DemDaily, Democratic Party, Humor Round Up, Kamala Harris

DemDaily: A Little Political Humor. Our Monthly Round Up!

October 18, 2024

To remind us to laugh.

On Trump Rallies, Swaying and Musk
Former President Donald Trump held a town hall in front of what Jimmy Kimmel called “a handpicked audience of Trump-loving women in Georgia.”

“This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In the first part, the women asked questions, and in the second part, Trump went through and rated them physically from 1 to 10.” – Jimmy Kimmel

At a town hall in Pennsylvania, Trump took only five questions from the audience, then “He played music and kind of did that baby toddler jumping dance that he does for a full 39 minutes. He just stood there swaying like a manatee tangled in seaweed.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“But no matter how gay his music is, young, straight white men love Donald Trump. They see him as a ‘macho, macho’ man, if you will.” - Jimmy Kimmel

“You should not vote for someone because they dance to ‘Y.M.C.A.’ But also, I’m not sure you’d call this dancing.” – Stephen Colbert

“Those are some bad moves, baby. If this president thing doesn’t work out, he ought to think about being a contestant on ‘Swaying With the Stars’ or ‘So You Think You Can Tilt.’” – Stephen Colbert

Trump says it isn’t true that people have been leaving his rallies early, despite video evidence to the contrary. “His rallies have almost doubled in length; that’s Trump’s gravest sin as an entertainer. He doesn’t know when to get off the stage. You’re supposed to leave them wanting more. Trump leaves them wanting out.” – Seth Meyers

“Generally speaking, if you’re at an event and the host of that event keeps insisting no one is going to leave, it is time to start worrying.” – Seth Meyers

“At a rally in Pennsylvania, Elon Musk joined him onstage. It was exciting for all the Trump supporters because, for the first time, they got to see an actual billionaire.” - Jimmy Fallon

“During the rally, Trump praised Elon Musk for saving free speech with X, and Elon praised Trump for making Truth Social so bad that people still use X.” - Jimmy Fallon

On Musk jumping up and down at the rally, “Dude’s jumping like he’s trying to reach the rope ladder on a rescue helicopter: ‘This rally sucks, get me out of here!’” – Seth Meyers

“That is the reason you don’t give kids Mountain Dew.” - Jimmy Fallon

“Musk wore a black MAGA hat and said, ‘As you can see, I’m not just MAGA, I’m dark MAGA.’ This guy thinks he’s dark? Dude, you’re the whitest person ever born. You’re the same color they paint apartments after someone moves out.” – Seth Meyers

On Woodward's Book and Putin
Trump has denied a report in Bob Woodward's new book that he sent Covid testing machines to Vladimir Putin for his personal use during the pandemic.

“So, Trump was secretly giving sound medical advice to a foreign adversary while publicly convincing Americans to poison themselves with bleach. I’ve got to say, most presidents would do that the other way around, but hey, you do you, Trump.” - Jordan Klepper

“How did Trump send them? Was it part of a care package with some snacks, a bath bomb and a CD that said ‘Mixtape for Vlad from Don: My heart is loyal only to you’?”- Seth Meyers

“The book says Trump has spoken to Vladimir Putin seven times since he left office, which is less than Ivanka, but more than Tiffany. – Jimmy Kimmel

“I mean, nurses, doctors, American hospitals couldn’t get these machines -- he’s sending them to the devil himself,” said Jimmy Kimmel. “You wouldn’t want one of the most villainous murderers on the planet to get a cough, would you?”

“To be fair, lots of people in Putin’s circle were suddenly dying: [imitating Putin] ‘Falling from the balcony is very common Covid symptom.’” - Seth Meyers

The Eye of the Storm
Meteorologists in Florida and North Carolina have been facing death threats and angry messages from viewers who think they are complicit in a Democratic-led plot to direct hurricanes toward Republican voting districts.

“Donald Trump should be forced to live on an island with all these people. Listen, dummies, the government can’t control the weather. The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Wow, Donald, you’ve never heard of a Category 5 hurricane hitting land? That’s weird, because I remember one happening while you were president.” – Jordan Klepper

“He was probably busy with Kanye during that one.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“He did get his meteorologist degree from Trump University.” – Jimmy Kimmel

On the Vice Presidential Debate
Jimmy Fallon called it “the craziest debate yet -- they actually talked about policy.”

“Yeah, this debate turned out to be polite, friendly and intimate -- it was jarring. Basically, people were expecting a horror movie, but instead, they got a Hallmark movie.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Most people felt that JD Vance had a solid debate. Republicans saw that and were, like, ‘Hey, could we pull a Biden and just go with this guy?’” - Jimmy Fallon

Stephen Colbert found the debate boring, saying that JD Vance and Tim Walz “were both different flavors of dull.”

“These two men were both a heartbeat away from being interesting this evening.” - Stephen Colbert

“In the end, it was 90 minutes of constant talk that made one thing clear: Tonight was like having Thanksgiving with your most nervous uncle and your smuggest nephew. It was unpleasant, awkward and, thankfully, you only have to do it once every four years.” - Stephen Colbert

“One of these men will lose, and we’ll never hear from him again, and the other one will become V.P. and we’ll never hear from him again...The only other V.P. debate anyone remembers is the time that fly got stuck on Mike Pence’s head. The bar is low.” - Michael Kosta

“They showed each other a lot of respect. It was -- it was very boring. I’ll be honest: I like these better with Trump.” – Jimmy Kimmel

"Voters were more likely to describe Walz as honest, trustworthy and caring, where they were more likely to describe Vance as nervous, unsettling and damp. But I disagree. You know, when I see JD Vance, I see a man who is grounded, who is rational and so humanlike, you could barely tell he isn’t one.” – Jimmy Kimmel

On the Election
“Election Day is only (18) days away. Just think, in 18 days, Trump will either be saying he won or saying he didn’t lose.” - Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, (18) days. Trump just got an election Advent calendar that gives him a new conspiracy theory every day: [imitating Trump] ‘Ooh, immigrants are stealing our Hulu passwords. They’re watching “Murders in the Building” for free.’” - Jimmy Fallon

“The polls say it is a tossup. It might ultimately come down to which candidate can deliver a new R.V. to Clarence Thomas first.” – Jimmy Kimmel